(My promised apos;Part Twoapos; post has been delayed until tomorrow maybe, right now I feel that there are more important things to write about)
Iapos;ve just gotten some wonderful news about college that really takes the pressure off me a lot and makes me feel a lot less stressed about everything in life.� Even now Iapos;m completely slacking and Iapos;m chilling online instead of doing my homework, which is usual for me but Iapos;m not feeling that guilt and stress that I normally feel when i disregard my work.
But I feel somewhat guilty... More so sad than guilty really.� Iapos;m so happy now and yet my friends who I love so dearly seem so sad.���� I wish I could help you, I wish I could give some of my happiness to you and we could share it together.
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To my LJ friends, I love you to death and I want you to know that, I donapos;t know if Iapos;ve told you that before, I donapos;t think I have.� I canapos;t believe how understanding you all are, you should know that I take shelter in your words and the feeling of belonging I have with you.� A day doesnapos;t go by where Iapos;m not thankful for your presence in my life.� I�know that I donapos;t really know you all that well... But I feel like weapos;re connected in some wonderfully cosmic way.� I know that Iapos;m going to meet you soon (at New Heart... As long as youapos;re still going ^_^) and I canapos;t wait for that.� I want to tell you that Iapos;ve been what youapos;re going through, Iapos;ve felt that emptiness and that sense of feeling lost, Iapos;ve felt like ending it and throwing it all away.� I donapos;t want to say I know exactly how youapos;re feeling because I canapos;t and never will, but I want you to know that Iapos;ve gone through something similar at least and Iapos;m here for you forever.� Iapos;m trying so hard to think of what brought me out of it when I went through that rough time in my life, thinking that maybe I could offer you some help (I know I probably canapos;t... But I could try at least) but my brain was in such shambles then and my memory has been so broken for such a long time that I canapos;t seem to recall it.� Of course thereapos;s always music... But thatapos;s something I canapos;t give you, thatapos;s something you already have and something that youapos;ve given to me.� Maybe Iapos;m overreacting, but just in case Iapos;m not, and even if I am, I think you should know that I love you and Iapos;m here for you, (I think I shouldapos;ve told you from the start, I always forget to tell people how much they mean to me) I hope that you read this and donapos;t think Iapos;m silly for all this.� Iapos;m quite emotional right now for some reason and I felt that I needed to lay it all out there.
To my Cleveland friends, I know that none of you will read this, I only gave this account to one of you and youapos;re never on much anyway. (I use this LJ primarily to communicate with my KHK buddies)� I just donapos;t seem to understand you right now.� Thereapos;s fighting and nitpicking that I didnapos;t see coming at all, I thought the issues that this stems from were resolved a few months ago.� Did we resurrect them?� I canapos;t understand this, I thought we had agreed to disagree and that opposing parties just wouldnapos;t contact eachother but now I hear talk of an apos;interventionapos; on Friday with that friend of ours?� Whatapos;s that about, Iapos;m�not coming on Friday, Iapos;m�busy and Iapos;m not bothering to show up if thereapos;s just going to be major drama.��We need to stick together... While we can.� Jesus, weapos;ll all be seperated soon and do we really want to leave our friendships of 10 or so years in shambles like that?� I canapos;t stand that� Do you know that I hate this seperation, do you know that I hate that Iapos;m the only one leaving the state?� I hate that youapos;ll all be here and Iapos;ll be thousands of miles away from where you all are and youapos;ll be only about 200 miles away from eachother.� Iapos;m not staying here though, I�hate that it feels like Iapos;m leaving you behind.� Is it awful that I feel so much more comfortable with the KHK (those lovely people spread all over the world) than with you? Look at me spilling my heart out to them� I hate that we seem to be growing apart like I feared, I�hate this
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